Box Office Battlefield: Movie 43, Parker, and Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Box Office Battlefield Hansel and Gretel Movie 43 Parker

The weekend warriors for January 25, 2013 includes Movie 43, Parker, and Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. Box Office Battlefield is a recurring rundown of all the movie releases for the weekend. Every week, movie studios select candidates to enter the glorious battlefield for your hard earned dollars. Box Office Battlefield is here to help you decide which movie(s) will take priority over the others.

Last weekend, Mama stole the show with a $32 million weekend haul, and the Jessica Chastain train continues to chug along with Zero Dark Thirty coming in second. Silver Linings Playbook increased the amount of theaters it is shown in and took third, which is pretty good since it’s be out for 10 weeks.

Will a gritty take on a classic Grimm fairy tale be enough to take out Jason Statham or will the onslaught of celebrities packed into a comedy anthology take win big? What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch. This is the Box Office Battlefield:

Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters Title

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (Rated R) – (Directed by Tommy Wirkola) Starring Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Peter Stormare, and Famke Janssen

Synopsis: In this spin on the fairy tale, Hansel & Gretel are now bounty hunters who track and kill witches all over the world. As the fabled Blood Moon approaches, the siblings encounter a new form of evil that might hold a secret to their past.

Rotten Tomatoes Score: Critics – 11% • Audience – 74%

If the trailer wasn’t enough to persuade you not to go, I hope my two cents can save you a few bucks. Bloated with campy, nonsensical storytelling Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters takes the cake on how many of its own rules it breaks. It has some OK action, but it’s rather boring and you could hardly care less about anything that’s going on or why H&G are hunting witches. The 3D was kind of worth going for, but it’s underused for how cheesy the film was. SKIP IT!

Parker Movie Title

Parker (Rated R) – (Directed by Taylor Hackford) Starring Jason Statham, Jennifer Lopez, Michael Chiklis, and Nick Nolte

Synopsis: A thief with a unique code of professional ethics is double-crossed by his crew and left for dead. Assuming a new disguise and forming an unlikely alliance with a woman on the inside, he looks to hijack the score of the crew’s latest heist.

Rotten Tomatoes Score: Critics – 35% • Audience – 76%

By now you’re either on the Jason Statham bandwagon or you’re not. Besides the Crank franchise, Jason Statham movies are practically one and the same. Statham is the modern action hero, always playing a different variation of a similar role he’s played before. I think we need to see Statham in a romantic comedy or a dark character piece, I want something that will challenge him other than roles that demand him physically. SKIP IT!

Movie 43 Title

Movie 43 (Rated R) – (Directed by Elizabeth Banks, Steven Brill, Steve Carr, Rusty Cundieff, James Duffy, Griffin Dunne, Peter Farrelly, Patrik Forsberg, James Gunn, Bob Odenkirk, Brett Ratner, and Jonathan van Tulleken) Starring Emma Stone, Dennis Quaid, Greg Kinnear, Seth MacFarlane, Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Richard Gere, Liev Schreiber, Naomi Watts, Anna Faris, Chris Pratt, Jack McBrayer, Uma Thurman, Jason Sudeikis, Katrina Bowden, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Chloë Grace Moretz, Gerard Butler, Seann William Scott, Johnny Knoxville, Halle Berry, Elizabeth Banks, and Josh Duhamel

Synopsis: A series of interconnected short films (“The Pitch,” “The Catch,” “Homeschooled,” “The Proposition,” “Veronica,” “iBabe,” “Super Hero Speed Dating,” “Machine Kids,” “Middleschool Date,” “Happy Birthday,” “Truth or Dare,” “Victory’s Glory,” and “Beezel”) follows three kids as they search the depths of the Internet to find the most banned movie in the world.

Rotten Tomatoes Score: Critics – 6% • Audience – 62%

On paper, having this many incredible actors smooshed into one film sounds like a great idea. From everything I’ve heard, this movie is an absolute train wreck. The synopsis almost makes it sound like V/H/S but as a comedy. You would think that would work, especially with the caliber of actors, but perhaps the producers were just banking on the gimmick more than the story. RENT IT!

A very unique little horror that came out in 2012 is now making its rounds to theaters now, John Dies at the End. There has been a lot of positive buzz going around for it, and when it comes to your town, I would definitely try and seek it out. John Dies at the End is getting a very limited release and will be slowly creeping out to smaller theaters for the next few weeks. You can find the whole schedule to see when it will be playing in a theater near you!

Movie synopses courtesy of

Box Office Battlefield is an ongoing column providing analysis of whether you should see, rent, or pass on movies that are about to release. All of my opinions are based on what I have or have not seen from previews, various marketing materials, or have heard via word of mouth.

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