Box Office Battlefield: Jupiter Ascending, Seventh Son, and The SpongeBob Movie

The weekend warriors of February 6, 2015 includes Jupiter Ascending, Seventh Son, and The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water. Every week, movie studios select candidates to enter the glorious battlefield for your hard-earned dollars, Box Office Battlefield is here to help you decide which movie(s) will take priority over the others and determine who will be victorious.

Last weekend, American Sniper demolished the new combatants – The Boy Next Door, Mortdecai, and Strange Magic – on the battlefield last weekend, leaving no survivors. And again, we have three new films, all of which are original features, vying for a spot at being the true supreme. GREAT SCOTT! This is the Box Office Battlefield:

Jupiter Ascending (Andy Wachowski and Lana Wachowski) Rated PG-13 [127 min] – In a bright and colorful future, a young destitute caretaker gets targeted by a ruthless son of a powerful family that live on a planet in need of a new heir, so she travels with a genetically engineered warrior to the planet in order to stop his tyrant reign. Channing Tatum, Mila Kunis, Eddie Redmayne, James D’Arcy, Douglas Booth, Tuppence Middleton, and Sean Bean

Rotten Tomatoes Score: Critics – 22% • Audience – 58%

What I’m saying:

Where do I even begin? First off, I’d like to congratulate the Wachowskis for sticking with their guns and fully committing to this original sci-fi action adventure film with as much gusto as possible. However, there were so many poorly constructed elements that it’s hard to find anything likeable about this film. The characters are so terribly written, the acting is laughable – Oscar nominated Eddie Redmayne takes the cake, the cinematography is ugly to look at, subplots and characters just disappear without any closure, and the music, from Michael Giacchino, is absolutely silly. Some people have compared this to Battlefield Earth with John Travolta. It’s been a long whiles since I ever wanted to revisit that film, but I think this is slightly better. SKIP IT!

Seventh Son (Sergey Bodrov) Rated PG-13 [102 min] – Young Thomas is apprenticed to the local Spook to learn to fight evil spirits. His first great challenge comes when the powerful Mother Malkin escapes her confinement while the Spook is away. Starring Ben Barnes, Julianne Moore, Jeff Bridges, and Alicia Vikander

Rotten Tomatoes Score: Critics – 12% • Audience – 50%

What they’re saying:

“I’ll say this for Seventh Son: it wanted to be over as badly as I wanted it to end.” – Devin Faraci (Badass Digest)

“‘Seventh Son’ tells a story of dragons, witches, ghosts and ogres, but the most fantastic thing about it is the idea that someone thought this lumpy, bumpy and swollen sack of tired tropes and cluttered CGI would attract audiences.” – James Rocchi (TheWrap)

What I’m saying:

I think this looks just as goofy as Jupiter Ascending. It’s like a cross between the bad Nicolas Cage movie that is also releasing on VOD this weekend, The Outcast, and R.I.P.D. where Jeff Bridges was also stuck with a egregious plot and cartoonish character. And to think that Oscar nominated Julianne Moore also appears in this is hilarious. SKIP IT!

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (Paul Tibbitt) Rated PG [93 min] – SpongeBob goes on a quest to discover a stolen recipe that takes him to our dimension, our world, where he tangles with a pirate. Starring Tom Kenny, Antonio Banderas, Bill Fagerbakke, and Clancy Brown

Rotten Tomatoes Score: Critics – 74% • Audience – 82%

What they’re saying:

“This is primarily an exercise in hyperactivity meant to spark glee in kids and draw chuckles from adults. The effect is admittedly ephemeral, yet while the film is running it is altogether effective.” – Jordan Hoffman (The Guardian)

All of the strangely charming cartoony undersea nonsense of SpongeBob that’s delighted kids and stoners for year comes to the surface in ‘The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water.’ Prepare to giggle.” – Betsy Sharkey (LA Times)

What I’m saying:

And to my surprise, the one movie that other critics are actually enjoying is The SpongeBob movie. From what I gather, this may be too kiddy for adults, but has some charm to it. I think that if it had a little more for older audiences and wasn’t so goofy, that it would be a home run. TAKE THE KIDS OUT TO A MATINEE!

I don’t think anyone is interested in Jupiter Ascending or Seventh Son based on terrible reviews and the wacky concepts. SpongeBob has a chance to overtake American Sniper being a kids movie in 3D. Parent’s weren’t so prone to take their kids to see Paddington, however SB is a little more recognized in the states. And with any kids movie you can most likely guarantee a caravan of moviegoers than just a parent and their kid. With the Oscars only a few weeks away, Sniper still may have a chance to keep the top spot. So as it stands, I believe the victor for this weekend will be: